Listen, listen. I know what you’re thinking: a bidet? But please give me the benefit of the doubt to convince you why a sentient toilet may just change your life.
For one you’d never have to worry about the 2020 toilet-paper-gate repeating itself, because you won’t be one of those people running to Target as if a side effect of COVID-19 was explosive– well, you know. Next consider how all of Japan is running on bidets! And they know what’s up when it comes to technology of the future, have you SEEN the robot-restaurants they have?? (Excuse the Chandler voice, but I had to get my point across).
Thirdly, toilet paper just isn’t IT. It is not sustainable, and actually is getting LESS sustainable as we go. Basically, on average, an American will go through about 24 rolls of toilet paper per year and the total toilet paper market is worth about $8 billion per year. When you consider more than just toilet paper, the US goes through about 15 billions pounds of tissue paper (including toilet paper) per year, which amounts to 20% of total world use. To help put this into perspective, Americans are only about 4% of the world’s population. That’s a lot of runny noses!
But what about toilet paper itself is bad? Doesn’t it dissolve through the sewer system? And okay, yes, the answer is complicated. So, toilet paper itself IS biodegradable (as long as there’s no sewer leak– ick). The issue comes down to the actual production of toilet paper, which is a lengthy process that releases quite a bit of greenhouse gases. Obviously, though sometimes we forget, toilet paper is in fact paper made from trees.
Toilet paper is either made from virgin pulp (basically meaning fresh, untouched materials) or recycled materials. So, in terms of wasteful practices, there was a report done by the National Resources Defense Council and Stand.earth stating that over 28 million acres of a Canadian forest had been destroyed for use of toilet paper between 1996 and 2015. This was done specifically by manufacturers like Procter & Gamble, Kimberly-Clark and Georgia Pacific, who made their toilet paper with virgin pulp and almost no recycled materials.
Outside of aggressive chopping down of the Canadian Boreal forest, there is also the actual creation of toilet paper which requires close to 37 gallons of water per roll of toilet paper and a number of chemicals (like chlorine) to give it that soft texture and white look. Whenever chemicals are introduced to water, there is always the chance of a leak and a polluted local body of water.
In conclusion? Toilet paper has only been around since the 1850s, so if your great-great (great?) grandfather could wash his own, ya know, (at least we hope he did) by hand then you can for sure take advantage of fancy tech. Plus think of the shock your guests will have and how confused your parents will get. What fun!
So make the change. We suggest trying out Tushy’s bidet. And oh god, don’t get us STARTED on wet wipes.
