Sexologist Alexandra Fine and MIT engineer Janet Lieberman founded Dame in 2014, a sex toy and wellness brand looking to close the pleasure gap. Since their first day, Dame has openly spoken about sexuality and continuously worked on breaking down sexual stigmas. This included when they sued the NYC subway system for discrimination against Dame’s advertisement in 2019.
Being the expert that she is, co-founder Alexandra has sat down with us to answer all the questions you’ve been asking about sexual wellness.
Q
Why is sexual wellness important?
A
I have been interested in sexual wellness for as long as I can remember. It’s a natural thing to be curious about, and it’s important for us to help make the sexual wellness space feel less taboo.
Sexual wellness is part of our broader well-being and health, and it affects both physical and mental wellness. For example, aside from researched health effects of masturbation (lowered anxiety, better sleep, pain relief with oxytocin, immune system enhancement, and more), the key benefit is really giving yourself a chance to get in touch with your own body.
Pleasure is a path to overall health– and we create Dame products to be a pathway to pleasure, and ultimately, health.
Q
How do stigmas affect sexual wellness, and how do we break them down?
A
The stigmas around sex and pleasure are deeply embedded in our culture from a young age. Sex education is broken in American schools, with the emphasis put on abstinence and preventing pregnancy at all costs, leaving young people without the right tools to realistically navigate sexual health.
That said, attitudes towards sexual pleasure are evolving and we are seeing a break down in these stigmas. We’re seeing a shift in conversation to a less cis-male-centric view on sex. There’s still a lot of work to do, but the industry is progressing and people are starting to see how sexual pleasure and pleasure products are a part of our general health and wellness experience.
The more we discuss these topics openly, the less power is given to the harmful narrative of feeling ashamed or embarrassed by a very human experience that actually benefits your health.
Q
What does an ideal sexual wellness future look like to you?
A
The future of sexual wellness is changing our mindset to think of it as we do self-care, like yoga or facials. Pleasure will be experienced in more ways, and not be seen as bad, dirty, or shameful.
We are continually working to create tools and resources to help people honor their sexual pleasure and health, and open the doors for more people with vulvas to explore sex with clitoral touch as a focal point—with or without penetration.
Q
What does non-binary sexual wellness mean? Why is it important; and how do you go about achieving it?
A
Non-binary and gender nonconforming people often find they are left out of mainstream information relating to health, wellbeing, and wellness. Shining a light on non-binary sexual wellness is extremely important, and at Dame, we do this by creating safe spaces and opportunities for transgender, non-binary, and gender diverse individuals.
Q
How can we make the sexual wellness industry more inclusive?
A
We can make the industry more inclusive by having open dialogue and providing a safe space to host honest conversations that help people explore sexuality and health.
We are one of the few sexual pleasure companies to incorporate human feedback to our engineering process. We have an entire research arm of our product development process called Dame Labs, which enables us to use real, human feedback across the gender spectrum to intentionally and thoughtfully design products.
Q
As its co-founder, what led you down the path of founding Dame? What did you see that was missing from the industry?
A
Dame started at a kitchen table with some silver dollar coins and plastic wrap. I had an idea for a vibrator that could be worn during intercourse to help close the pleasure gap. I joined forces with a MIT-trained engineer to make my kitchen experiments into real-life products, and together, we launched Dame Products in 2014 with Eva: the first truly wearable couples’ vibrator.
Our goal was to help close the pleasure gap for people with vulvas, so we engineered products to encourage self-care, advocacy, and healthy lifestyle, starting with sex and pleasure.
Q
How does positive sexual wellness affect mental health?
A
I believe that pleasure is power and an integral part of overall wellness. In addition to physical health benefits that sexual welness provides, it can also come with a host of mental health benefits such as lowered anxiety, better sleep, immune system enhancement, and more. Another benefit is giving yourself the chance to get in touch with your body and practice self love.
Q
What power do sex toys have within the sexual wellness sphere?
A
Sex toys and tools are extremely powerful and allow you to get a deeper understanding of oneself through exploration. They aid in your overall wellbeing to help stimulate your mind, body, and soul.
Sex toys can also be used as tools for people of all body types, with disabilities, pregnant, in the midst of menopause, or going through life changes that impact their sexuality, among others. Com, for instance, is a great tool that offers 5 different intensities and patterns, so you can use it as a personal massager or even hands free, if needed.
Q
You talk about the pleasure gap between men and women, does it play a role within queer communities?
A
The truth is the gap exists in the heterosexual cisgender community and is barely existent in queer sex.
